Aussie Barbecue - The Truth.....

Aussie Barbecue...

After 4 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and Barbecue season. 


barbeque jokes
Therefore, it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the Barbecue, usually on a Saturday, the following chain of events is put into motion:

Barbecue Routine

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine.....

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) They tell good old Aussie barbie jokes like:

Question: What do you call a boomerang that wont come back?

Answer: A stick.

12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

Don't Baby, My Guitar Stops....

Years Before Man Invented The Wheel........

Joke Of The Day - DYNAMITE.....The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says....


DYNAMITE.....


The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,

"What a Great chest you have!'

He tells her,  'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'  "What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her,  'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and  the blonde goes running out of the  apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes  back on and chases after her.



He catches up to her and asks why  she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies,  'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite  after I saw how short the fuse was!'


What is a Vibration?....

WORK VIRUS WARNING! - This is very serious.....


WORK VIRUS WARNING!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, take two good friends to the nearest pub or bottle shop.

Purchase the antidote known as:

Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or

Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter - (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected
and WORK is controlling your life.

Joke Of The Day - The Radio........



This letter was sent to the Kirkcaldy High School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. 

An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kirkcaldy High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Raith home for the Aged. 

All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to f*** off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Isa.

Men's and Women's Humor : Puns Of The Day....



Men's and Women's Humor : Puns Of The Day....:



How many beers does it take to get a tropical bird drunk? Toucans



Sleeping pills are such a pain. You have to wake them up befor...

Aussie Joke....Bruce's grandfather goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra.

Bruce's grandfather goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra.

Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?

I can cut them for you ' said the chemist but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.

I am 96 years old said the old man .

I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t piss on my slippers.

Proof that Jesus Was A Woman....

 Proof that Jesus was a woman:

  1. SHE fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.

 2. SHE kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. And even when SHE was dead, SHE had to get up because there was work to do.

Instructions For Idiots - Look Ma, No Fingers.....



Corny Humor - Gotta Love A Couch Potato....


Joke Of The Day - CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS



A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls 
and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, ' Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own. so does she...

Joke Of The Week - Facebook Censorship....

This photo of "underwear" was classed as "Nudity" by the Facebook censors and removed from being the profile page photo:

And the account was then suspended for 24 hours....